Egg of Life: Lateralus, DMT, & Me
Introduction
There is no need to explain the connection between the legendary band TOOL’s transcendent 3rd album, “Lateralus” & the act(s) of dedication or desire to be back with the Higher Self/All That Is, that one must have to make a Self/Spiritual commitment, wholeheartedly, for long enough; & sometimes to take extreme enough measures; to actually get the consciousness connection to All That Is. Most never truly commit to it, causing them to give up long before they were ever even started; or lack the desire for more & courage to push one’s self to their limits (in all aspects) that is needed to get there.
…But if you’ve ever connected with All That Is just once; whether it was after 5, 10…20 years of Spiritual growth and constant work, or whether you were just curious enough to try something that one time, like this certain spiritual molecule, that instantly connects you back to All That Is; you have never stopped thinking about it, finding time to pursue it, and just want to get back to it until you finally do again. Then repeat. Those who have had an actual breakthrough, by any means, at least once, never stop. I know I haven’t. I will save my full story of Spiritual growth for another time, because its one of both putting in the work to know its real; falling away from it; then someone introducing to me the wonders of the molecule that Dr. Strassman studied so diligently causing me to do a complete dive right back in. I recently while smoking this medicine and jamming a few Tool songs from “ Lateralus” (a lullaby rendition of “Parabol/Parabola” & the actual ‘Lateralus” track by Tool) came to see something in the connection between the album and the experience accompanying it when inhaling the molecule. Both very different, but also both seemed to have a message/lesson to teach, while seeming to also be only parts of a whole.
So I started thinking about the track lengths: Lateralus — (9:24). So many things about Lateralus timed perfectly with my blast off that I can’t even go into. One example, the first thing when I got back to my body I stood up and started singing along at the very second that the line “With my feet upon the ground…”. Back to the current (bigger) picture. Parabol (3:06)/Parabola (6:05) totaling (9:11). Even though they are two separate tracks, its obvious even to someone who doesn’t know the work of Tool that those are one piece and are to be heard in succession, which is why the total length of them as one is important. So it just happens that both of them are about the length of the molecule on the body. After looking at the entire album in this way, this is how I have broken up the album; in its original order; to be listened to while meeting with the spirit molecule, each as its own experience, with what I believe will also come together piece by piece as a full message not to be completely understood until the last has been experienced.
Experience #1 — “The Grudge” (8:36)
Experience #2 — “Eon Blue Apocalypse” (1:07)
“The Patient” (7:13) Total (8:20)
Experience #3 — “Mantra” (1:14)
“Schism” (6:46) Total (8:00)
Experience #4 — “Parabol” (3:06)
“Parabola” (6:05) Total (9:11)
Experience #5 — “Ticks & Leeches” (8:08)
Experience #6 — “Lateralus” (9:24)
Final Experience — “Disposition” (4:48)
“Reflection” (11:10)
“Triad” (6:35)
“Faaip De Oiad” — (2:40) Total: (25:13)
I will have to smoke at least twice through the duration, maybe more. The final 4 tracks are to be done in immediate succession and get through all the tracks if the bigger message is to be fully completed. I spent a lot of time trying to figure this last part out, because “Disposition”, “Reflection”, & “Triad” are meant to be all as one piece in music, so I knew they should not be broken up here.
I began keeping this log and typing this into a personal journey if you will after I scribbled down some things from what Experience #1 did for me. So here we go, each Experience was from me & by me, and I think I may be onto something. We will find out over these next 7 extra-dimensional experiences.
Experience #1 — “The Grudge” (7/30/19)
This is definitely a purge of the things that you feel are what hold you back, and a realization of some things that hold you back that you have never noticed; may even reveal to you that traits of yourself in which you held to be part of your core & in which you may praise are actually serving the opposite purpose. This was reinforced by the molecule, creating for the first time a feeling of confusion, discomfort once inhaled. Asked my spotter, “What’s Wrong” what I could perceive to be 3 times. She said it was a lot. Higher single to possibly double digit number of times. This was quite a shock to find out afterwards, as I had determined I was asking myself the question, not her. And had found three ways to interpret why I asked it three times (once to force myself to bring those flaws to the surface, second because I let myself have an expectation as to where this would take me & it was a polar opposite of that, and third because in between my hits the lighter gave out & I had to frantically get it back lit because the song and molecule were taking hold very quickly after the first hit.). Now there is so many more directions to take that…but moving on.
During this part of the experience, I remained seated, and moved around here and there. I would lean forward and bury my face, which kept blinding me; the purpose of this and what the molecule had in mind became apparent to me as the experience progressed, and it will shortly become clear to readers as to why this was occurring.
After showing me and forcing me to accept and realize these flaws, it brought me to a state & feeling of complete disconnect from All That Is. For the first time, I was forced to keep my eyes open during a molecule driven experience because when I tried to close my eyes & run from this purge; all that I would see was white so bright I had to open my eyes. Can’t run now. Also explains why burying my face was blinding me, since that in effect is just another way of closing the eyes, isn’t it? I knew now that I must give in to the molecule & the music so that it can heal me. At some point upon realizing that I asked for this, and was well past the point of no return, I stood up and moved to the center of the room, where I simply stood & wavered back and forth, side to side with the music. In somewhat of a daze, but yet beginning to see my world; this reality, in all its beauty appear clearer and clearer. Almost as though a fog or haze was being slowly lifted as I stayed tuned into the music through to the end.
The message was very clear. If I do not choose to let go, of all that it has laid out in front of my eyes…if I do not choose to make these changes within myself, it will hinder the feeling, desire, and ability altogether to in some way reconnect to All That Is. But the choice is mine, and mine alone. And as all or nothing as it gets. Either stay disconnected Spiritually, keeping myself attached to these physical, self-defining, self-gratifying habits, behaviors, etc. or simply let go of all of that to become closer connected to All That Is.
{1 Day Since Previous Experience}
Experience #2 — “Eon Blue Apocalypse” & “The Patient” (7/31/19)
A few hours prior to embarking on this particular experience, something told me to tell my spotter something. I told them that no matter where the molecule and the music may take me in tandem, no matter what I say or do, let the music finish…even if I specifically asked to turn off…just ignore me and let it play out. The importance of this will become apparent as you read.
I inhaled my first hit about half way through “Eon Blue Apocalypse”, and could already feel the molecule taking hold. I grabbed the dish and smoking utensil when I saw that it was ready and began inhaling my second hit, which is always my money shot. I lost control of my physical shell and the ability to gauge how much I was inhaling sooner than I or my spotter anticipated, which resulted in consuming at least twice as much as I intended to, leading to an extremely deep & profound experience.
About 4 minutes in, I began singing along with the song back here in the physical world. It took me days after to make sense of it all and to wrap my head around where I went. It was either the highest levels of All That Is, or it was the deepest inner levels of the creation that makes up All That Is. Either way, it was impossible geometry; and I was a part of it all, along with all that I know in this world. It was just shapes in shapes within shapes, with infinite faces, infinite edges, infinite sides, in/on/of infinite dimensions. That is the best I can do to describe it. During this segment of the experience, I kept letting go and falling into the geometry, but I kept bringing myself back to the physical world out of worry that I wasn’t going to remember to breathe. My spotter told me I was fine, and that I would remember to breathe, and then I would fall back into it. Afterwards I was told that I kept pausing for a couple of seconds between breaths & that every so often I would notice it & snap back. Then give in again…
I promised this would become apparent if you continued to read. In the later parts of the song “The Patient”, as it got to the heavier parts that are meant to teach you to be patient and wait it out, I jumped up a few times and asked my spotter to stop the music. Oddly enough, even as I asked her to stop the music, I could consciously remember telling her not to beforehand, so I knew she wouldn’t. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. I even thought that I was losing my mind and voiced this a few times. Shortly after, I kept having a feeling of the things that were important that keep me tethered to this world. I said the words “our home” & my daughter’s name, as though making sure those things were still here; making sure they really existed. My spotter made sure to let the songs finish. I realized that this feeling of “losing my mind” came from the fact that there was something very significant about this experience that I had never had occur during any previous DMT journey. It was as though my consciousness itself separated into multiples and I was experiencing multiple things at once. Part of me was here, in the physical shell; part of me was giving in and floating into the geometry of All That Is; and I was also part of memories of what seemed to be one or multiple of my past lives here on Earth. So my consciousness was in at least three realities at once.
As much as I would like to have learned a lot more details from these possible past lives, I was only able to gather the following: I definitely lived in the Sumerian/Egyptian era of Mesopotamia, which explains why I feel so connected to their stories, their knowledge, and their level of Spirituality. It wasn’t until sometime later that I regained visual memories of this particular life. I was running, happily through temple that had many stone pillars in a row. As I gracefully ran, I effortlessly let my hands drag across the stone in a flowing manner. Without another person there in the memory for me to gaze upon myself through their eyes, I am unsure of how I appeared, although my behavior and movements felt very feminine. I have had dreams for years where the specific feeling of how stone felt on my fingers lingered far into the next day. Now I can see why this was so. Also may have lived a life with an intelligent civilization here on Earth in an era prior to that as well; such as the civilizations we are starting to find proof of from approximately 13,000 years ago (11,000 B.C.E.). I am hoping to learn more about these possible previous lives at a later time, but for now that’s what I have gathered on that.
It wasn’t until after I had returned back to my physical shell completely that I grasped how intense and how long it was. What I thought all occurred within the duration of the two tracks (8:20) had actually taken about 20 minutes or so in real time. So about two thirds of the time I was connected during this experience occurred following the duration of the assigned tracks. Truth be told, this was mind blowing to hear, given as though it felt as if the song was playing the whole time.
This entire experience was mind boggling to me. For the two days following , I was lost mentally trying to wrap my head around what it was and what it meant. Had me questioning whether or not my existence here on Earth in this reality was even real at all. The geometry & the previous lives; those felt real. And when I would try to gather thoughts to put it all together, I would just lose myself mentally back in the sweet release of It all. I had to get a hold of it and get back to myself. It took me 5 days after this experience to finally record it in this log. At the beginning of this, I had planned for this to be done from start to finish on consecutive days. However, after the amount I consumed, the profound experience in which it brought, and the things I experienced that I may or may not have been ready for, I have stepped back to realize that this is to be done one by one; but not necessarily in consecutive days. Just do them each, one after another, as one feels ready. You never know when you are going to have an experience so profound and amazing that you may not be ready for the next step until you can wrap your head around the previous one. This one also has put me in touch with my emotions, so much so that I have become more of an emotion showing individual following this experience. Something tells me that is here to stay.
{47 Days Previous Experience}
Experience #3 — “Mantra” & “Schism” (9/16/19)
WOW!…That was fucking fun. And to think, in the approximately 40 minutes leading up to this session, I went from calm and ready; to worked up and couldn’t pinpoint what was causing the anxious feeling other than excitement (or over-excitement) about the upcoming experience. Then I started to question whether or not I was ready for what was next. I kept recalling how my previous session had resulted in a significantly profound; for lack of a better word; experience that in some ways has had effects on me & caused positive changes to occur within me ever since. What I mentioned at the end of the log for the previous experience about becoming an emotionally open individual…still progressing; getting choked up over fictional scenes/people on shows I like, things like that…
So, back to now. I finally played the tracks of the evening listed above, with closed eyes, tuned in to the artistic music itself. Made sure I had a strong, sturdy connection to it & understanding of it; and a couple of minutes later, when I knew it was time, I got everything ready. Then, last minute jitters hit, and I’m rambling about all the over-thinking that I am doing, until a sudden warmth of the original calm & ready washed over me. In mid-statement, I just halted my speech, looked at my other half and said ever so peacefully, “I’ll tell ya what I need to do. I need to grab this torch & this dish…”; I trailed off, but she knew it was time.
As I heat the torch, I quietly ask her to begin the first track. I pull in my first hit of the molecule about halfway through “Mantra”. By the time my second hit is almost ready, I can feel two things already: that the molecule is calling me, and that my next hit couldn’t come quick enough, which brings me to the second feeling I had; it was a feeling of certainty that the second hit would send me off & that it was something I wanted, needed, yearned for; a lesson or message yet to be revealed to me yet but just the thought of the lesson or message itself from the molecule, whatever it may be, was like a craving of sorts.
The opening guitar of “Schism” is playing as I exhale me second hit, and away I went. It was beautiful. Two flowing energies of pure light and compassionate force, moving in the same direction, at the same time. One seemed to be in a cyan-like shade, while the other was a lighter end of the magenta scale that I don’t remember encountering in this lifetime. They flowed simultaneously, and in perfect rhythm, dancing all around and almost tangling, but never touching. There was a clear break in the two energies. They were in a state of being around each other and it was a beautiful sight. But if they were to move into a state of being with & within one another, how much more would I see? How much more would they be capable of???
At that moment, it struck me that I was either part of both energies, or I WAS both energies; either way, my consciousness had split again, but less mind-boggling because it split into being that was still very close to one another. Much less startling that the last time I split. I couldn’t help but almost letting it frighten me, but I sent that negative away by letting how awesome it felt and how astonishing it was be what led me. I remember telling myself, “Don’t worry, you’re good, just let it play out. No, no, don’t stop it, just let it play out.” My spotter said that I actually said the words “…don’t stop it, just let it play out.” to her, which was really just me convincing myself.
This was how most of it was through the song. Then, at the moment the lines “Between supposed lovers…” began that part of the song; the two energies splashed and crashed into each other, and I have no words to describe how much beauty it held to how I could see it, nor do I have words for just how ecstatic & euphoric it truly was for me. Feeling the two repair the break/separation/schism between them, let me know that humans really are horrible at communicating with each other, especially in our current times. This break in communication (not “lack of”, but “break in”) is why relationships fail, why countries that were allies turn enemy against each other and eventually war, & is one of factors affecting us in our current disharmonious state. And that was it until I was back here in my body, in our living room, hearing the final note of the song. First words back, “Yeah, I am so glad I did this”. I was extremely happy about the experience I had just had, but yet I couldn’t pinpoint why. Deja vu?..
I went outside, and could see things so clear. I could see stars in the sky that I normally can’t see at all. I could see the electromagnetic grid that is around Earth. I said “I know the pieces fit, yeah they fucking fit, they’ve always fit, they’ve always fucking fit”. I could see things in the sky that interested me, and I would walk towards them in a state of child-like wonder. I had to try to explore it all. Just to wrap it up with something that I found particularly interesting about what my physical shell was doing while I was on my shuttle. My spotter told me that every single time the words “I know the pieces fit” would be said, I would say them out loud as well, in perfect unison with the song. I thought that was pretty damn cool. Like I said, that was fucking fun.
{44 Days Since Previous Experience}
Experience #4 — “Parabol” & “Parabola” (10/30/19)
Let me remind all of you that may be reading this and/or taking this journey for yourself as well; that one need not feed expectations back to self about what any travels with the molecule may have in store…even when using music, or re-using a song, it will never be like anytime before it & will always be much more than any Earth Reality human could fathom in one’s expectations. With that, I will get on with the experience & a description to the best I can in words; which is really what all of this is…my best attempt to describe something that isn’t meant to be described so much as its truly meant to experience. I say this mainly because the entire process of me finding all of these connections between the music & the molecule began after I took the molecule in while smoking to a lullaby rendition of these two songs that I play for my daughter. And when I got ready to do the same with the actual song, I was expecting something along and outside of the same lines, if you will; but was I ever so wrong. Not with my expectation, which was way off, but with ever even drawing a expectation to something that this molecule is going to give me.
Now just briefly for the sake of understanding what I mean: If you are familiar with the cover of their 4th album 10,000 Days, then you are familiar with the multi-dimensional face-like being on it. This is a small piece of a larger Alex Grey piece with multiple of these beings all interconnected. During the lullaby version, I had an interaction with these same beings, and it was amazing…details are outside of this personal report, but will gladly give the full log on that experience at a later time. But now you see at least the direction I believe I was headed. Now let’s get back to the here and now.
I have been quite unsure how to begin the telling of this journey in particular, and I’m compelled to start this story with this; These two tracks, when played consecutively with no track pause in between, laid out a musical narrative to my spirit, consciousness & my self that correlates to the progression through our phases of life here on Earth, as a human being. While the band never gives any hint as to their meaning behind a song, to encourage listeners to find what they get from the music, this is one of their musical pieces that has a pretty widespread, common, somewhat agreed upon by most, message at face value. That, of course, is to view this unique life as a gift, embracing every moment and not letting the pain of it all take you away from the positive you are meant to experience in this body. Beyond face value interpretation, its all up to one’s consciousness; subconscious as well, to want to dig deeper. So let me show readers what I dug up.
Skipping past my process that is virtually the same every time, with music and molecule inhalation starting together or within seconds, I’ll begin with saying that I have no recollection whatsoever of what I experienced through the slow, hypnotic part that makes up “Parabol”. I came to my phases of life narrative conclusion after it was over and I was able to reflect on it as a whole. As I describe each part of the experience, I will explain the phase of life I understood it to represent. This initial few minutes being the equivalent of our time in the womb. Our whole lives we sit and wonder why we can’t remember things younger than a certain age, and one never has memories of what they were before birth. The words, “ We barely remember what came before this precious moment” are a reference to our time in the womb, that we have no recollection of.
Then, it transitions very abruptly, very suddenly, & very aggressively right into “Parabola”. During the next ninety seconds of approximate Earth time, I seemed to be in a state of confusion, panic, unable to understand anything and everything around me. I asked my spotter three times during this ninety seconds to help me or that I needed help. The first words of the “Parabola” are, “We barely remember, who or what came before this precious moment”. After the brief and alarming initial sequence of the song, he makes that same statement, this time in a much more rapid way, as if he has been thrust into life itself. I understood this part of the song to be what our experience is like when we first enter this world. Babies come out crying and freaking out because all of this noise, bright light, and commotion is all new, and quite frightening to any infant that just arrived. The first few months or more of our existence here is a rather large ball of confusion as to what this all is, After all, being born into all of this we have here on Earth, is a far cry from the dark, peaceful comfort they were just enjoying while still in the womb.
As we grow into children, life starts making some cohesive sense and we start to enjoy life in our wonderful, childlike mind. We start developing into who we are, at least for that phase of life. The childhood years are the time that we first realize we can have fun, and when we begin to understand things. We get to be, “ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE”, just as he exclaims following the first chorus sequence in “Parabola”. According to my spotter, I exclaimed that part to the fervent reaches of my voice, and then settled in and really started to enjoy it after that. As the second chorus plays, with that lead guitar solo preluding it just continuing right through, I interpret that small section to be the phase of growing up all the way through the teen years.
The chorus immediately after that is where the louder/grown man style of singing and the aggressive instrument usage begin. This is where I physically became very in touch with the song. I was beating on my chest, slapping on my knees, stomping with my feet; just jamming out as hard as one could imagine. I was embracing it completely and enjoying it along the way. This is now narrating by music the phase of life that we have entered adulthood. We should “recognize this [life] as a holy gift * celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing”. Most humans, in their adult life, find themselves under constant stress or just letting some negative feeling or emotion steal their joy and enjoyment in and of this life. Its supposed to be enjoyed and experience as a blessing. One must get into life itself, don’t have a reason to be in a great fucking mood, just be in one because you are here, breathing, experience life as a human, which is itself its own, stand-alone experience.
Now to the middle aged phase of life, a little heavier, seemingly slower, but seems to be drawing to a close rather unexpectedly as if it were aging faster. As we get older, our bodies age more rapidly as the years tack on. While life on a day to day basis may be slower, your amount of wear and tear from living life isn’t. Some don’t realize or put any thought in that and many of us humans die at much younger ages than humans should. It is not uncommon for someone in their 50’s to feel fine, and be doing what they do without taking well enough care of their aging body, to suddenly having something occur where they are near death or have died, appearing to have been out of nowhere. In this case of our study with this song & molecule, I am going to say that the false ending that comes next is akin to an individual’s mid-life near death experience that is a much more realistic thing these days than our society acknowledges. The false ending I am referring to is something that I have always loved hearing Tool do, and they are the masters of it, among many other things. Its when one of their songs builds into what seems like a closing out of the song, just for it to be gearing up into sounding finished, then ramping up for one final kick in the fucking teeth before really coming to a close. They do this at the point in the song that was upon me, and there I was, still jamming uncontrollably while telling my spotter occasionally that I apologized & that I couldn’t help it; this apology & explanation being brought on by the fact that I consciously knew our daughter was asleep in the room next to us & my being excessively loud at this point.
The song ramped up and played the final build, very steady and aggressive instrument playing, as I matched it with my aggressive body drumming. Cue the closing lyrics which come in with a strained, over exerted, forceful voice. Its as if conveying the final phase of life. After being given a new lease on it following a midlife event that masked itself as one’s demise, the feeling of one getting into a steady pace of living and loving, doing so in a somewhat aggressive manner because it is now understand that one’s already brief lifetime here is coming to a close. Then it is a final strain and struggle, forcibly, to remain alive and breathing here as long as one can, not wanting this ride to end. As we all know, inevitably, it will. And when it does our spirit will go be one with All That Is, peacefully, drifting into everything as if life here is nothing but a dream. This of course matching the way the final repetitive guitar sequence is that last push to the final day of life here. The song itself closing out quietly, with a few of the same notes from where it began on “Parabol”. It fades out just as peacefully as can be.
During that last sequence with the repetition, I stood up and began moving toward the music, while constantly moving to the music. As I turned to face the speaker, I could see the waves of sound emanating from it. My body just began throwing fist & knees back toward the source of the sound, and I could see the waves of vibration that I was creating by doing so. Never ceasing, I observed the waves I was making collide with the one from the speaker at what was like a perfect midpoint between me and the speaker each time. It was as though the vibrations meeting in the middle caused me to physically feel the tones of the music just slightly before I actually heard it. That was amazing. In case you are wondering, the answer is yes; the entire experience was in my body, and it was all about cherishing the short time in the physical. Just simply feeling it, feeling life & living. Remembering to enjoy it. That’s what it was, and that’s the point. I found my seat quietly as I peacefully drifted off into my thoughts as the serene ending faded out.
Silence ensued for a minute or two, then I began asking my spotter for help again as I wandered almost aimlessly to & fro around the house. My thoughts were being perceived by my being as being all over the place, and I was physically wandering around the house chasing my thoughts. I said things like, “I need your help. I need help getting control of my mind.”, “I really need you to get control of my mind so that I can focus”, & my personal favorite, when trying to explain to my spotter how all over the place my thoughts were, “You want me to show you, okay here’s thoughts I’m having out loud as they flow: holy fuck that was amazing, I feel great, is that a piece of my tooth that just fell out, don’t let your Dr. Pepper freeze…do you see what I mean?”. This continued for a bit, causing me and her to both laugh and just have a funny exchange in conversation. The only way I can explain it is by saying that part of me, like my sense of humor or joking comedic part of me, was in my kitchen, around a corner, out of sight; just simply interjecting random, benign level thoughts at random instance, just to fuck with me. It wasn’t until I went in the kitchen, looked that direction, didn’t see me but felt in a very brief moment a slight jerk, as though that lil prankster within me knew it was time to get back with the rest of the infinite me(s). Life is a gift, & phases of life all have their own role within our individual lives. Don’t let the shit get to you, life is a gift, always enjoy it. Any questions?
Experience #5 — “Ticks & Leeches” (1/8/20)
This one actually began long before the actual molecule session with the song. Shortly after the previous experience, after having gathered it all and felt it time to continue on, I began my usual preparatory routine of making sure I listened to the song on a daily basis, that I knew the words, that each instruments’ parts were clearly defined; just making my connection with the song, which plays a part in letting me know when I’m going to move on. So upon beginning my self prep, a lot of things in my & my family’s day to day to life just began to be a struggle. One week I am completely locked out of a bank account for no legitimate reason making us late on bill payments; the next week a lady hits us, totaling our vehicle, and keeps going, making us the victim of a hit and run. And that is just the example I am going to give here, as they are the two best instances in which I knew anybody can relate to.
While all this is happening, which seemingly is life fighting me from every direction and giving me resistance in every direction I go in, it hits me as I am talking to my lady (also my spotter in these experiences). I look at her and say, “I don’t know why life has to put up such a fight right now but it is starting to wear me out, exhaust me; its literally sucking me dry of energy.” — And a moment after I finished that sentence, we looked at each other. Both recognizing what I just said as sign pointing me toward the next song and experience. These struggles and hassles that were coming from life were sucking me dry, because all of these meaningless little situations in life are the ticks & leeches of existence, here to suck one dry of life and energy; and you can’t let that happen. I am a firm believer that one only hinders self growth as well as spiritual growth when choosing to react on negative emotion & having negative responses to circumstances. No matter how hard it gets, don’t let it get it you. It was time.
It is to be noted that I introduced a new element to the atmosphere of the room that has not been used before this session; a video of very molecule inspired intricate visuals that I came across when looking for something visually pleasing for my 15 month old daughter to get lost in when she listens to her favorite band, Tool.
The song and molecule session during this one weren’t as intense or eventful as one might think, especially if you’ve read this far. I inhaled the molecule, same routine as always. In the middle of my second hit, I could feel it taking hold rather quickly, so I motioned toward my spotter to go ahead and assist me finishing my inhalation. I drifted off into one of the dimensions that words cannot explain, and they are not meant to. For the first two and half minutes or so of the song, I was just connected to All That Is, in ways that I only wish I could describe. At my favorite instrumental portion of the song, a heavy riff repeats a few times before halting into the soft center section of the song. I consciously interacted with my spotter and the other observer on this night, as I physically reacted to the song and its notes. As it faded into the peaceful part, I faded back into All That Is as well. I faded in and out of this realm, while being guided by the mellow notes during this part of the song. At one point while in the body, I leaned forward all the way to the floor as I got closer to the speaker and the beauty that was emanating from its sound & the way I could see and hear it. Then, just a few seconds before the songs fades to silence so that it can flash back into heavy chaos, I looked at both people in the room and said “I’m sorry y’all, here it comes”. I was lost in the sound during this time, just letting the jerks and punches of the song wash over my body and flow through my skin as I jammed along to it. Then, as it switched and the drums came back to the forefront, I began drumming along and it seemed as though I would have hit every note without a mistake. I looked over at the other observer that night, a buddy of mine, and drew his attention to my drumming hands. Oddly enough, as I was making an “Oh shit, do you see this?” face, I perceived him to be making a “Oh shit bro, I see that!” face back to me. I’m pretty sure his face was just smiling, but I swore he recognized that I was killing those invisible drums too.
The song ended, and when it did so I was in my body and I felt great. I felt a little tired though, somewhat drained; but I knew I needed to get up and move around. When I did, I first bounced around the house for a bit, just taking it all in still. Then I started bobbing my head, shaking my arms, wiggling my body, bouncing my legs, just completely feeling myself and into everything around me and everything I thought. A sudden urge then to brush myself off and shake my whole body took over me, and I did just that. Now I felt extremely good, as if I had somehow just strengthened my connection to All That Is, like I had somehow gotten closer. I felt a little overwhelmed, as though I did not know what to do with myself, my being. At this point I had just sat back on the couch, but I knew I needed to just let go for a minute. So I relocated myself to the floor and laid down flat, then closed my eyes and saw the interconnectedness of All That Is in so many ways. Something told me to open my eyes, and when I did I sat up and reached for the hands of the two people in the room. Upon them holding my hands, what I saw behind my eyes became ever so beautiful, just that much more.
With the ticks and leeches of life now purged and passed, forward thinking is just around the corner.
{70 Days Since Previous Experience}
Experience #6 — “Lateralus” (1/20/20 & 3/8/20)
Prerequisite:
The reason you should write, type, or jot things down as quickly as you can after having the initial spark of inspiration or idea, aside from the fact that most of us tell ourselves we should write down things that our mind views as “best thinking”, is this… Because I had mentally prepared an opening line for this segment, with a couple more statements that would have been a perfect breeze to gently pull you into this particular experience log. I had written it; in my head, that is; while trying to figure out how I was going to work all of this prerequisite information & history in fluidly that I had no idea or foresight that I would even have to touch on until after my session. It was so gorgeously arranged, and came so naturally that after repeating it in the mind quite a few times, I was just so damn sure I would remember it verbatim later. Yet here we are, that is if you are still reading this, as I hope anyone who began reading this will do. Continue reading it.
The moral of this, that I buried into that anecdotal & still very true story, is that if you don’t want to forget something; or in my case, create a perfect and well-read arrangement of words mentally that a change in a single word’s use or position would disrupt its flowing vibe & way it read while also altering its graceful sound, put that shit on paper or type a document/text file of it right then. Don’t fucking be lazy and let an elevated thought or idea become just another mediocre thought or idea that goes by the wayside. Feel the moment while feeding your will and make some record or what have you of these kinds of things in the moment the mind conceives them; that’s when they are the most powerful, profound, motivational, & of course inspirational.
So sit back and settle in, because at this point I can guarantee that this individual log has became at least twice as lengthy in the more than 72 hours or so that have transpired since the session that I promise will eventually be discussed and the time at which I am writing this, than I would have guessed it would have been prior to the experience. Since my first paragraph, grab my reader, perfection was only saved to the ever over written & always low on storage space memory that is my beloved brain, I am going to recognize the best segue I am going to get to dive into this. Shall We?…
Now, as mentioned previously, this song was the first actual song that I met with the molecule while listening to. This being a very short time after my first musical molecule pairing with the lullaby rendition of “Parabol” & “Parabola”, also aforementioned. The seed that was planted in the soil of my ever adventurous, ever exploring, equally if not more beloved mind (the brain, of course being the physical organ, while the mind is the thought space around it.) was originally planted by an old friend of mine that I still have nothing but love for, but for reasons of my own intelligence, I no longer associate with. About 5–6 years ago, sometime in 2014, me and my buddy were having a nice psychedelic experience on most likely the first thing that came to your mind when you read “psychedelic experience.” At one point, he asked if I was familiar with Tool, then the song “Lateralus”. I knew the song, but at the time in my life, I wasn’t mentally or spiritually anywhere close to where I am now, nor open enough to fully understand the song to its deepest levels. However, while it was playing, I felt very connected to it, almost as though the words, “separate the body from the mind” were being sang inside of my head a ca paella, and I could hear them echoing with a resounding force in my ears and mind. The particular fan created video he had of the song playing was one that pieced & mixed clips of actual Tool videos and such together for a song that had no official visual representation for it. The scene from the end of the “Parabol/a” video looped two or three times and I will never forget my buddy, who I forgot to mention is about 10 years my senior, looked over at me and said, “That’s how we are all made; that’s where we come from”. To be honest, even with little understanding of what he or the scene meant, it made perfect fucking sense and it still does to this day. Upon the conclusion of the song, he made a final suggestion, “Anytime you do psychedelics, I mean, every time…listen to “Lateralus” at least once.” Seed planted.
It was that very same statement that came sneaking back into my mind from my memory back in July 2019. I was sitting outside the restaurant that I and my wonderful woman both work at, thinking of ways to make my molecule meetings more intense, or just something that would seem like a good pairing with that kind of molecule. As I was trying to think of a way to elevate or enhance the experience, I was having trouble because each idea would seem empty of some higher meaning causing me to dismiss for the next thought. Just as I was shifting to think whether I had ever learned of any music that had psychedelic connections, the sound system of my mind cued up an audible piece of advice I had been given some time ago. Again, I was familiar with the song in the past, as I was familiar with a lot of their music growing up. The fact that my dad loved them is the only reason I got introduced to their music, and growing up the other fact that my mother didn’t like them whatsoever just made it that much more of a reason to be into their sound. However, this was the first time since I dove head first into spirituality via meditation, understanding of the Chakras, learning of & about Merkabas, the truth about our species on this planet, the realization that higher consciousness humans & other upper minded lifeforms inhabited this planet long, long ago; a place called Atlantis, that upon understanding the frequencies & how all beings vibrate on them, one can truly come to make sense of why we can’t find it, and once again, the most important and profound reward in spiritual growth and work: Astral Projection. From 2015-Present, I have expanded the mind and heightened the consciousness of my being using the knowledge & tools I just listed. I do apologize for the excessive detail that I am giving in this backstory, I just feel compelled to be this precise about it so that all this particular portion of my personal study here will be better understood when read. If I shorted the backstory here and then went on telling the current events in full detail, you would not know how to interpret them because I would have failed to supply sufficient historical information, therefore failing to get my reader to see the full connection here & causing there to have never been a need to include past happenings in the first place.
So I begin reading about all the intricacies that are composed into this particular song. I come to understand that this song is written and layered with Fibonacci Sequence counts, numbers, ratios, etc. I read the lyrics, which I fully understand, on exactly the level of mind they had in mind when creating this. There was no doubt in my mind that I had just found what I was looking for to pair with my molecule. Upon showing the song’s arrangement, difficult but count-specific time signatures, & the lyrics to my woman, she immediately recognized the relevance as well as the importance of what I was seemingly onto. In that moment, neither one of us had any idea that it would grow rapidly into so much more than that.
For those truly interested, I promise that I will do a retrospective log of the lullaby and the initial “Lateralus” sessions in full and as much detail as I am able to. But for now, I have to summarize my first “Lateralus” pairing experience, as just having an idea what my 1st time with this song was like is going to help the log of this 2nd time sound more like it was written by a coherent person (You’ll see…). This was sometime in July, prior to me creating this whole concept and it turning into a very powerful thing. This was just me intaking the molecule to “Lateralus” to enhance my experience. I also knew the video I had found was going to have its role in the things to come. It was somewhat of an unofficial music video for “Lateralus” that was visually stunning, created by an artist or group called SENTIENTMIND. It was this experience, however, that caused me to look into more than that song of theirs being meant to be used with this molecule. So I began inhaling the molecule during the introduction segment of the song and was taking off from Mission Control just as the lyrics began. I can’t describe it much more than saying it was a profound, beautiful, and exciting experience; if you want to understand, smoke to this song. The moment that I landed back into my body, I immediately stood up & began singing the words a couple seconds later to the part of the sang I was at, which were, “With my feet upon the ground, I lose myself between the sound…”; so the song was singing about exactly what I was doing. I wondered around my house, reaching for all the random and all that I could perceive in my home for the remainder of the song, which had never made so much sense until that moment. I was bewildered as I gazed at our chakra meditation tapestry and repeatedly whispered, “whatever will bewilder me; whatever will bewilder me… I’m reaching up and reaching out; reaching for the random. For whatever will bewilder me…” and I just cycled through those words as I contemplated what that truly meant. I was engaged in a lot of deep thought for awhile afterward that was only disrupted by the reciting of this lyric or that lyric from the song; which were followed by deep understanding & a nodding of my head that I may be onto something. Those head nods would grow into the Spiritual Regiment that I developed here.
Round One:
Without further a due, I will finally get into the experience at hand. I began the same as all the other previous sessions, with me preparing my first inhalation while my spotter is nearby on standby awaiting my signal to begin the song. Now I want to paint a picture for you here, because I did some things to the ambiance and vibe of the room this go ‘round that I had not previously. In all other previous sessions, I was in our living room, which has colorful artwork & tapestries all around by default; the common thing heard amongst friends of ours is that our living room seems like we decorated it to be molecule meeting ready all the time; with nothing on except the white holiday lights that go around the ceiling perimeter halfway around the room. I decided the white holiday lights were going to be off on this one, and I had a cylindrical Scentsy warmer with small holes all over it providing minimal light to one part of the room, as well as a eastern culture inspired sitting elephant wax warmer with a pattern of holes across its back that was doing the same for the other portion of the room. Tonight I had the screen ready to go with the same visually captivating video with astonishing imagery as mentioned with this track before. The source for the music to play out of being on as well, and in the case of both sessions with this track, and the previous experience in this report, there has also been high definition visuals being played on the living room television screen.
With my lighting & room energy now at a certain point that it feels like what I was trying to create, atmospherically that is, I begin preparing the initial inhalation. After passing the materials to my spotter to get it ready for my second pull, I begin to feel both molecule taking hold & music assisting it to take hold quicker and stronger. I reach & grab the two necessary things to get my next draw & begin inhaling. I feel it about to take me completely, so I turn to my spotter and look at her with wide eyes. I’m still holding dish with the molecule in one hand & and smoking utensil in the other; I’m holding them and was still inhaling, although I still can’t recall when I stopped inhaling or if I even stopped, but the wide eyes my spotter was seeing me give her gave way to raised eyebrows to signal to her the best way I could to grab the things out of my hand because I’m almost in orbit over here. I was locked in my position and needed help just to set it down. What’s even wilder is that as I looked at her with what I was hoping was coming off as a face that said “Please help”, I know that I never physically moved toward her or anything, but my conscious memory of this it feels as though my thoughts were get this out of my hand now, which also felt like I was physically handing the things off to her, when really I was needing her to grab the thought I was forming and physically grab things from me. The latter is what happened in actuality. But I find it so amazing that my thoughts about it were so strong and purposeful in that moment that my being feels as though I was doing some act of physically expressing this, because had I not been getting so rapidly washed over by the molecule, I would have handed her the materials myself. I hope this makes some sort of sense. This is why I made sure to provide sufficient backstory here, because had I just jumped into that, without any prerequisite information supplied, this may have been where most if not everyone stopped reading.
Once the materials were safely out of my hand, it was as though it broke me free of the position I was in as well, and I began to move my body again. Not for long however, as I was completely at the mercy of the molecule, the music, & the message. Higher me began reminding me to relax, give in, and let go into it all. So I began to do just that, but I was keeping my eyes open. I am a believer that depending on the message and what it has to show you at any given time that you attend a molecule meeting, you may or may not receive what it has for you in full if you only keep your eyes open or vice versa. If the message it has for you is to meant to get to you with only open or only closed eyes, you will become aware of this by the fact that you may not be able to do the opposite with your eyes, or if at the end, you just feel like there was something more to gain. This feeling I am referring to is one that does happen and its unmistakable. In my case this journey, I continuously kept my eyes open, although this was a fact that I became aware of post-experience because I honestly could not tell for a lot of the next few minutes. I was telling Self to close your eyes, however I was never really certain if I did or not until asking my spotter all the usual questions about what my physical being did while I traveled.
So as I kept trying to tell myself to give in and let go, I would begin to get lost in the dimensions and the realms of existence that I was traveling through. To my right was the screen with the visuals, with the source of the sound next to that, & my spotter was immediately to the right of those. I looked over at her and said, “Help me”, to which she replied, “You don’t need help.” I came back with, “Are you sure I’m good?”, and her response was “Yes.” I attempted to let go once again, but after a short time, just as I would be fading off all the way, I would perceive another dimension of some sort out of the lighting I had created, or the perplexing visuals emanating from the screen that were becoming seemingly tangible, yet remaining unfathomable in their levels of existence and creation; and this would cause me to feel an urgency that I need to make sure that I was still here, and could make it back. In life, my spotter is my woman and we create a life together. Many times in our relationship, I have looked to her to reassure me when I’m good or we’re good following important decisions, tough or stressful situations, etc. She’s my control, my ground, my anchor. So it only makes sense that as I was being shown a more profound and indescribable elaboration of what it revealed to me before; these next levels of “the random; & whatever will bewilder me”; I would look to her in the moments upon which I was experiencing startling bewilderment to reassure myself that I was not losing it or that I was still here and could get back. Each time I did, I had to try really hard to find her face in the insanely intense visuals that were surrounding her due to her close proximity to the visuals screen as well as the low lighting that I created & what it was creating for me. When I would locate her, maybe even before I could find her on at least one occasion, I would simply ask, “Are you sure? Are you sure?”, and she would tell me, “Yes, I’m positive.” each and every time. This happened approximately 6–7 times over the course of about 4–5 minutes real time & song time. Along with the fact that I kept my eyes open, she also said that I would not remain still throughout this segment. I was very fidgety and seemingly antsy. From what I understand, I did not look comfortable or appear to be enjoying what I was experiencing. I don’t remember fidgeting and rubbing my legs nor feeling myself do so, but I was able to make sense of this by attributing it as another route I was taking to keep myself tethered here. I had to make it clear afterwards that no matter what it looks like, I am never having a bad, negative, or unpleasant experience, I am simply attempting to remind myself that it is an experience.
Throughout this entire span of time, I was consciously telling myself to let go because that’s what I need to do. I also kept thinking that I know the music is the driver of this journey right now, so if I really want to end this, just stop the music. I never once tried to nor did I ask for it to be stopped. Because never once did what I see, where I went, how I felt, or what I perceived frighten me at all. I wanted to stay in it, to fully connect & completely let go; I just kept needing to touch base with Mission Control every now and then. I did find out for sure after this session that during this entire segment, I never once closed me eyes to receive what infinite possibility was to be revealed to me behind them. This led to a decision afterwards as well, that I will circle back around to. Going into the “embrace my…desire to…” section of the song, as if it were aware that I was having trouble with the giving in to the experience this time, my eastern culture style elephant, who is grey in this reality, became multicolored, capturing every color on the very limited spectrum known as visible 1ight/color that we see, and all the rest of the color spectrums that we don’t. Just as other times on my spiritual travels, I could see these colors for the time-being, which never ends up being very long. As the elephant, drenched in beautiful color that I only wish to discern normally, began to rapidly change colors, it moved toward me, seemingly getting larger in size. As it did so, it offered a very inviting feeling, as the light pattern behind it that was already illuminated with colors that I don’t know, have never seen and can’t seem to see now, began shifting and moving in and on a multi-dimensional plane in the most perfect & intriguing of appearances, builds, and general shape. All I can say is everything was Cubed Cubed.
Prior to this session, I was doing all I could to not think about my first meeting with this song and the molecule around. I didn’t want to set any kind of an expectation for something that I could never have an accurate expectation for. Also, I didn’t want to take away from the message it had for me in the current time. I did a really good job in this respect. This is why I feel so wholeheartedly that this song is meant, made, and modeled for this molecule. I stand up and begin pacing around the room, just seconds before the line, “with my feet upon the ground…” which happened organically, as it did the initial experimental round with this song.
Within a second or two after these words came belting from the speakers, I glanced over at my spotter, giggled as i pointed to my feet, then the sound source, & simply said the word, “Again.” Her smile accompanied with comforting affirmative nod was a silent recognition that she was seeing me do what i was seeing me do. Trust when I say that if I could find a better word selection or arrangement of words that could better describe this moment of shared understanding, I would happily use them. Same goes for all that I saw, perceived, visited and encountered along the way. If I had more words, or if there even were the words to even begin to accurately describe even a sliver of it, I would.
The following lyric of the song (because by now every movement I made changed everything I perceived or experienced, while at the same time the music was describing, in real time might I add, exactly what was happening to me) is “I lose myself between the sounds”. To be honest, I truly was lost “between the sounds” as I took slow & cautious steps across my living room, ever careful and trying to take it all in as it was constantly transforming with each motion or action if my physical being. As I am taking it all in, every endless reality with every infinite possibility happening within each, and so on, fractal as fractal can get. The words that then come next being, “I open wide to suck it in, I feel it move across my skin.” Again, exactly what I was doing in the moment being described by a song recorded 19 years ago, followed by what I would say is an accurate way of putting it. You feel the All That is all throughout and inside of you, but this time you actually feel calm & warm at the surface, as though the physical self is beginning to understand that we are so much more and are meant for so much more than we are doing right now.
As we begin “reaching up & reaching out…reaching for the random”, I myself do to as well. I begin looking rapidly all around, while now moving my body more fluidly. By the time the ending starts building, i am bouncing around and exerting as much energy via motion as my physical shell could muster up. From the time we start “following our will..”, I am now singing along to the Mt. Everest peak of my vocal capabilities while moving in all types of ways uncontrollably and I honestly mean that. The music & the molecule, I would guess out of the two looking for a solution of my inability to fully let go to it all, seemingly had taken over my body, I couldn’t stop my wild movements or my exclamatory singing, but I was very consciously and physically aware that i was screaming and acting like someone who had just been hit with the holy ghost. But there was nothing I could do to stop my being from doing this, and I was like this til the end of the song. Then i paced around for awhile, wanting to get a good look at things while my vision was still unfiltered and I was seeing things in all their simple beauty. Snuck a look at my daughter in all her splendor and love, she looked like an illuminated little angel. Mentally, i was in the deep deep end of my thoughts by now.
In the end, after a couple of days of thinking it over, I really want to know what was behind my eyes here as well, as I feel as though it may have been a key to full understanding of the experience. It also seems as though the molecule and song gave me a taste of random and bewilderment the first, experimental meetup we had, then this time they gave me the level of bewilderment that would make one turn back the way he came; that is one who may not be fully committed. I am, and this “am i sure i can handle the random and whatever may come” thoughts were answered…
By the molecule and the music, calling me to come visit them one more time so that I can see for myself that I am ready to progress, expand , and activate. So I will do just that. I will be going back to “Lateralus” for the next experience. In a surprising, yet fitting turn of events, it will be Part Two of this segment, with it technically being Part Three between this song, the molecule and I.
{48 Days Since Previous Experience}
Round Two:
So after over a month of looking forward to this next meeting of the music, the molecule, and my being; and not to mention the gap between the two sessions I am speaking of being longer than I had projected originally, I kept having to let opportunities slip by due to life happening, as its known to do. Thus, life kept happening and the daily grind just continued to make me want to get this experience in any day and calm down. This molecule has always done one thing for me after a session that it has never failed to remind me and it did not fail to occur within me this time as well. No matter how intense or profound, or how unexplainable or seemingly inconceivable the journey may be, once back in this physical shell of Earth experiences that I inhabit, I always get this calming sense of relief & reassurement that all is perfect. And that helps me in my day to day life; one might say that my fuse is at full length for life & its goings on right after a molecule meeting, and that fuse proverbially gets shorter at whatever rate I happen to encounter “fuse-shorting” situations. Once it gets to a shortened length and I begin not to have the desire to work through the problems of life is when I know the next session is on the horizon. Its therapy for me, in a sense.
And I was beyond ready to see what was in store for this session. At this point, anyone reading this is locked in for the long haul, so l will jump right in, as I would think these readers are beyond ready themselves; In so many ways…
Contrary to the first part of this segment that is virtually a novel in length as compared to almost all the other logs to date (with the exception of maybe “Parabol/Parabola”; as of the moment of logging this, I am relying on memory to serve me right as I know these are the two lengthiest), this “Lateralus” ride will be a short story.
So in an attempt to not bore one with redundancy, I will simply say the timing routine and ritualistic process described in the previous sessions takes place as always. Molecule, Music, Me… or so I thought.
The three of us get together and I made a mistake out of pure caution. I hadn’t prepared much in the glass dish beforehand, and I only inhaled a little more than half of that in two hits. I sat back, closed my eyes, and I was there. Or was I?… No, I’m almost there; I can perceive an experience just out of the reach of all my senses except visually, but somehow only to my mind. That’s really all I can do to explain it. I open my eyes, close them again. Still the same. I open them again & stare off for a few seconds as I am accepting that I needed to have inhaled more & that being overly cautious has its downfalls. My usual spotter, who is also my other half intimately, reminded me out loud to close my eyes, as I had asked her to do earlier that evening if I happen to keep my eyes open and kept them open for too long. I had another person present for all the happenings of this experience whom just so happened to be someone that knows the molecule very well himself. As I am trying to explain to them about being almost there, my guest spotter informs me that when my eyes were closed, it looked as though I was deep in the All That Is, however upon opening my eyes, it was obvious that I had failed to fully lift off the launchpad.
In a moment of frustration, as I was not only ready for this round, I also needed it due to my fuse that had recently been shortened to an invisible length; the therapeutic quality I receive from these experiences was and is one of the primary reasons I began doing this and a lot of the things that were the road of events to this point in my life. Some time passed, maybe half an hour, and the room is set again. It has to be said that I had replenished the dish with what I knew would be more than enough to get me there. It was approximately the same amount I inhaled during the 2nd experience of this log series. So on the second attempt, the process begins once again. Fast forward to the utensil being almost ready. I get it glowing red, and I reach for the dish. However, just as I reach for it, the heated metal end of the utensil falls out, onto our couch, successfully rolling around & burning multiple holes in a couch cushion.
At this point, for a few minutes, I seriously considered postponing this session until a more conducive and ample time. Because I thought this was the All That Is way of telling me “Hey, not that, not that direction.” About another hour goes by, in which time my second spotter and I have been looking for a safe item to clip on the utensil. Found and fashioned with pliers a small metal clip used on the interior or beneath the interior areas of vehicles. Couldn’t seem to get it to clip on there and have prong safely. Then just as my buddy walks back in the house & I am explaining to him why the clip won’t work, I pop it on there, and I’ll be damned…it clips and gives me the security I need to continue. So the final attempt for the evening begins.
The session begins, procedure and protocol remained unchanged, and the first hit goes inside my lungs. A few seconds later, when I reach for the utensil for hit number two, I said to myself internally, “Take it all, we’ve got places to be.”; and I just spiraled the tip around the dish, slow at first, then more rapidly as I began to run out of lung capacity and I was almost at my launch point. I could feel it. I sat back, closed my eyes, and…
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…..that’s all I can really say or do about describing the first part of my journey this go-round. I really wish I had even an idea of a way of putting it, I simply don’t this time; & any attempt to confine it to words would feel to me that I was disrespecting the spiritual knowledge gained. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely can remember this part of the experience, my minds just refuses to reconcile it to spoken language of any kind. During this initial part of the song, both of my spotters gave recollection of almost the exact same way. I was laid back, head over to the side slightly, deep breathing, and clearly had gotten there. My special guest spotter this night said, “You closed your eyes, leaned back like this (as he demonstrated what he meant) & I could just see that you were there this time. Next time you opened your eyes…the rest is history. When I saw you go in for that second hit, I was like ‘Is this nigga serious?”, because you went,”; at which point he demonstrated how I spiraled around the dish to get it all.
This closed eyed, spirit journey state is how I remained through the second chorus sequence of the song and came out of somewhere around the 5:30 mark of the song. I began to “feel the rhythm, feel connected” from the moment I landed back into my shell of physicality. I flew up out of my seat while simultaneously opening my eyes returning from the travels of the soul. This spontaneous, synchronized motion & movement made it seem to me as if I began coming out of the seat ever so slightly before my light body had actually fully arrived, so I still recall it having felt as though my physical body was pulled toward my light body as I arrived, so it met me on the way up as I was landing and came back as one in a standing position. I was on feet seemingly well before the “with my feet upon the ground” this time, however it very well may have been closer timed than I realize. The following behavior of mine was more of the same as last time; a lot more. I was moving all over the place, with no care or regard for my appearance nor who, if anyone, was around. At a certain point, my pants began to fall off, at which point I was turning back to face my guest spotter; a male who wouldn’t have wanted to see all that. So I had to tell myself, “Pull your pants up, they’re falling Bro”. I was undoubtedly more deeply connected to the music this time, so much more expressive with my voice, movements, dance & body language. Here’s how my primary spotter described it, “Your body, your entire body, was hearing the song. Its as if it was flowing all through you. Literally every muscle from fingers to toes moving all at once. It was clear that you had a complete release. And when the song ramped up, so did you.”
I continued my free flowing body movements, floating to and fro, while singing and feeling every beat and every syllable. As before, each new movement and sound from the song changed what I was perceiving on a second by second basis. But instead of trying to take it all in this time, I let IT take ME all in. All the way through to the end, which as the triumphant ending is building to a close, I began my arms raised jump, or as I just decided to call it, The Holy Spirit Molecule Bounce.
Afterwards, I just walked around the house, and out to the front porch once or twice. I was completely and totally feeling myself, & knew for the first time that I had been put on this path for a reason and for a purpose. In that moment, I just knew that somehow, some way, I could change the world. I began saying, “Goddamn Riiigghhtt…Motha Fuckin’ Riiiggghhhtt.” repeatedly, growing gradually more aggressive and louder with it every time. This happened for a minute or two, and then I knew it was time. I played the first few riffs from the next track in this succession, & I knew this had been what it was supposed to be. Now I can move on. Now I can check my Disposition and change the weather if need be prior to final stage of Reflection upon my entire existence as a being of all forms, but of Light most importantly.
{65 Days Since Previous Experience}
Final Experience — “Disposition”, “Reflection”, “Traid”, & “Faaip De Oiad” (5/12/20)
So, as has occurred in previous attempts at this same thing, I tried a couple of times to plan or schedule this experience, both of which were not at all successful. As the old saying goes, “Life is what happens while you are busy making plans.” — And that’s exactly what would occur when I tried to control when exactly it would be time, life would make sure it wasn’t going to happen.
Letting things happen naturally; by themselves, is just what one has to do and instead of controlling or trying to control all around you, simply be a part of all around you & allow it to be a part of you, as both are true in more ways than one. Take it all in & let it take you in every second of everyday. This is a concept & life approach I had recently been implementing into my daily life for the past couple of months, to the best of my ability. I really got into the philosopher Alan Watts while going through this self journey. To be honest, this journey helped me access things that I was interested in at my current place in life that I wasn’t aware of, as well as had me reevaluate my own skill sets, and even individual abilities; leading myself to shelf ones that didn’t have positive purpose behind them & were no longer serving me, while doing more of other areas that one might call my “fortes”. The things that I have adept skills in, and either enjoy doing or can do seemingly effortlessly. Even if I viewed it as a “hobby” before, if I am highly skilled or highly enjoy something, that’s what I have been trying to focus on in my available time.
You may wonder how it came to be that this final segment would begin like this. Simply to showcase because not only did the music and the molecule do what it was meant to do for me & to me within each experience, it also helped me progress and internalize other conscious concepts I was working on personally in my life throughout this process. One may say it has helped me change my personal disposition all along the way. Play on words fully intended here.
So the moment where desire & readiness to have the final session met with ample opportunity, my Inner-Blastronauts began suiting up, & Mission Control began setting up for the launch we had all been waiting for; by “we” I am referring to myself, my significant other/primary spotter, my good friend/secondary observer, and of course, the reader(s). Anybody who is still reading has to be enjoying this or else, they would never have gotten this far.
Leading up to and going into this session, I kept having little ideas as to make this a smooth ordeal, given the total length of music involved. (That total for this experience of course being 27 minutes & 24 seconds). I honestly was overthinking it, over analyzing it. We all know what that kind of behavior can and will do. However, at the moment I had to give the procedural plan this go ‘round to my spotter, I gave clear, concise instructions, & then just kept it all the way real when I said that the plan is changing as we change with it or retroactively respond; so we were going to basically just be winging it this time. Just for a little suspense, I will add that it is as it should be, because our planning kind of just being a “stay ready for anything from start to finish”, very fluidly conceived approach on this one (as opposed to the ritualistic routine-like manner of all previous sessions chronicled in this self-study) played a major role in getting me where it needed to so that I would finally, fully & completely see what it was teaching me, in its infinite totality. Not to mention what it had been teaching me all along, but hold on, we’ll get there…we’ll get there. It had been obvious from the beginning that the final one would have to have special attention, but had it not been for the chosen, easy adaptable method; which didn’t even exist as one of my ideas of how to handle this one prior to the moment that I informed the room that it was essentially being winged on this one; we wouldn’t have been ready for it. Again, we’ll get there…we’re getting there.
In order for us to get there, I have to bring the visualization of the room & of course a noting of anyone else present and observing the session. Seeing as this is the first of many experience journals I am going to be putting together that I simply refer to as my “Travel Logs”:
Allow me for the very first instance, to paint you a picture for the final session. Nothing special this particular night as I find my usual spot in the living room a.k.a. my personal Launch Pad. No visual aids or anything of that nature, I knew they were not needed. I made sure I used the loudest source of audible sound that I had available in my house, played each track shortly to make sure that I got the Goldilock’s volume across the board. You know, not too loud, not too quiet zone. Just a simple living room setting at my house in the evenings. To my left was my beautiful woman/primary spotter & to my right was my buddy who was present for the previous one and session number 5. After a bowl of good kush and a few drags off of my nicotine cart, the calm sense that it was time now washed over me, and so it began…
Right out of the gate, it feels right, as if to reassure me that this opportunity came when it was meant to. I press play to begin the song “Disposition” & immediately a sense of unfamiliarity joins the feeling of reassurance because this is already outside of the routine. I fire up the flame and begin heating the utensil. I inhale my first hit as my spotter was already reheating; I begin to focus on my being and the music. I begin to observe myself and my surroundings. The second inhalation occurs, and as I exhale & signal confirming to prepare for a third. As I do this, I sit back because I could feel my true light being pulling out of my physical shell as I always do, yet my perception stalled & lingered just on the outer edge of my total energy field; as if I was sitting and meditating atop my own Soul Star, just above my Crown Chakra, in a state of observation. As I physically move to intake the third, and for the moment last inhalation, I perceive it to be happening without me there, because I was viewing all of this as it happened from quite literally a higher state of mind. After holding and ultimately exhaling that last hit, I closed my eyes & the full state of observation, & what I was to focus this awareness on became clear. I was no longer in my thoughts as “the thinker”; I was outside of my own thoughts as an observer. It was a very peaceful and beautiful thing. Definitely pointing me toward the direction that I need to get back into more meditation in my life, as I have done in the past. During a true meditative state, one can view thoughts from seemingly above them or outside of them; helping one to see that the thoughts are there regardless, its the ones you choose to give power to and act upon that is the key. When observing thoughts whether than reacting to them, it is a lot easier for one to understand this concept and make better choices about WHAT to think about. I remained in this state for the duration of this song, singing along here and there. As the track began to change, so did my experience.
Moving into “Reflection”, my eyes opened and I became very interactive not only with my perceived reality, but with both of the spotters present as well. I was dancing around, very physically into the music. As i was moving about the room, I could not only hear my own thoughts, but I could hear the thoughts of both people present also. A few times I seemed to be losing balance as I bounced around & during one these stumbles, I perceived the thought, “Oh shit, he’s gonna fall.” from one or both of my spotters. Afterwards, when I asked them about it, they giggled and admitted it was probably both of them. Now whenever I would close my eyes, it would be a whole different experience. Upon the closure of my eyes, I would see blasts and explosions of the most beautiful colors that I have ever seen; colors that I again am unfamiliar with in the default state of consciousness. It was amazing. If I could ever fathom what the creative forces of All That Is, The Creator, The Maker & Maintainer Of The Mighty Fabric, what most people call “God” would look like, this would be it without a doubt. As I marveled in the energies & basked in the warm love they gave, I was perceiving all kinds of thoughts. It was as though when my eyes were closed I was no longer receiving my own thoughts or the ones from those around me, but I was receiving as many thoughts as possible from all other living things, in all dimensions, on all frequencies. It was profound & astonishing, to say the least.
I shifted back and forth from these two states of being and consciousness for quite awhile. Eyes open, I would jump around happily & interact with the two people present. I would drum patterns I knew were coming on one’s leg while I looked at my main spotter with facial expressions to assure myself I was where I thought I was. Eyes closed, I would dive into the colorful energies, while physically crawling or sitting cross legged while spinning on the floor. All of these things done with intense glee. At around the eight minute mark of this song, i felt myself reenter the atmosphere, and had my spotter prepare the rocketship again. I smoked again, which only intensified my current experiences, and from there it was a blast fest. I smoked every minute or so after that through the end of the song. At the calming riff at the end, I was brought to a peaceful state; and as “Triad” began to creep in, I was given a sense of rejuvenation and renewal. I was ready to take on the world.
My fifth time smoking came about two thirds of the way through this song. I leaned into to prepare a sixth round, but glanced at my primary spotter, realized I was still way off in orbit, and chose not to, as I saw I didn’t need it. I was immersed in the song and the sense of empowerment that it gave me. However, during the chill part shortly before the last heavy part that leads to the end, I accidentally unplugged the speaker or caused some sort of technical difficulty. I had the front door opened for quite awhile leading up to this because I felt that the sounds of their music needed to disturb nature. I usually never want to disturb nature, but what I was hearing and how I was hearing it needed to be heard by everything. It was in my attempts to get the source of the sound further outside that I caused the sound to stop. So I asked my spotter to keep it going on her phone so that I didn’t lose the momentum I was feeling. As I jammed while the song wound down, I realized I wanted the final track, with its channels & frequencies to be playing as loud as possible. I frantically asked for the sound to be back loud for the last track.
As the sound was being fixed, I began playing the final track, “Faaip De Oiad” on my phone. Seconds later, the sound is fixed and it is playing from the speaker loud once again. As my primary spotter began to stop my phone, I said to leave it, as having it playing this way was exactly what I wanted. There is no better way to say it, but during the duration of the track, I could feel the haze and static being lifted away from Third Eye. As Bill Hicks once put it, “My Third Eye was squeegeed clean.” It felt so liberating and amazing. And as it ended I felt so relieved, so fulfilled, so alive. My travels were over; and the message I got from it was simple. Enjoy life & get out of your own way. Stop hindering yourself from enjoyment in life and have a blast with it. I recorded myself for the next 35 minutes of thought flow and rambling. I may or may not release this in the future, but I can say I am glad I recorded it because the grand message I expected to get from all of this as a whole became clear in my ramblings afterward. I fully understood, completely and wholeheartedly, what life is all about. The journey was over.
Conclusion
Somewhere in the ensuing 35 minutes immediately following the end of the experience, (i.e. the end of the audio element in the equation), I had a moment of clarity & recognition, as well as a moment of self-realization. After further exploring the concept that I received from the final single experience itself, my flow of thoughts brought me to understand this: that by internalizing & implementing in life, to the best of your will, the idea of simply getting & staying out of your own way, thereby allowing yourself to have a greater amount of overall enjoyment in every moment of everyday, you will be treating living life itself the way it is meant, the way it should, and the way it deserves to be treated. Life should be embraced, experienced, engaged, & enjoyed at all times; because life is a gift. And although that of course is also the same message I interpreted from the experience during “Parabol/Parabola”, the grand message that I got after the closing session seemed to spiral right back to that idea as well as that piece of music.
This is why I believe these two tracks; well more accurately the single work of music that they make as one piece, is placed where it is placed on the “Lateralus” album. It is track number six & seven of a thirteen track album, making it the middle of the album. I symbolically like to think of it as a subtle centerpiece to an album that is a complete work of art in so many ways musically & otherwise. I do want to make it clear that I am not taking away from other reasons as to its placement in the final order of the album. One major thing that I am referring to is something I believe to be true that a fan commented about on lyrics to “Ticks & Leeches” years ago on one of the open source song meaning sites. They were showing why “Ticks & Leeches” was a relevant & purposeful song on the album in the theme of spiritual enlightenment that is widely agreed upon to be what the album is all about. To be honest, the person’s way of wording it is what caused one of the initial sparks in my mind to continue digging which, of course, ultimately led to this self-study being conceived & developed.
A user named “VICARIOUSLY” on lyricinterpretations.com’s page for “Ticks & Leeches” commented “…but the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense — stuck between “Parabola” (realizing the gift that is life) & “Lateralus” (evolving to a higher consciousness).” He goes on to say, “Ticks & Leeches represents a particularly destructive flaw of the domesticated primate-spiritual ignorance.”, and further states, ‘You GET what you GIVE.” “…the only way out of the cycle is to acknowledge that you are actually creating it. You can’t go from “Parabola” to “Lateralus” without “Ticks & Leeches”. Now stop choking…”
When you look at each work of music for its individual message, it seems obvious why the song that tells one to “recognize this as a holy gift” is placed where it is:
“The Grudge” — choose to stay in old ways or make changes for the better
“The Patient” — the tedious struggle involved in spiritual work & growth
“Schism” — rebuilding communication & having healthy relationships
“Parabol/Parabola” — recognize that life itself is a gift
“Ticks & Leeches” — the needed bridge to close the gap from the physical growth in the songs prior to the spiritual growth involved in the songs afterward.
“Lateralus” — evolving consciousness
“Disposition” — observing the thought plane
“Reflection” — spiritual understanding & growth
“Triad” — moving forward as a more spiritually driven being
Now the way I see it, is that “Parabol/Parabola” could be placed anywhere on the first half of the album & its significance would still be as meaningful & would still serve the same purpose. It is never too early or too late to see that life itself is a gift; however actually understanding & treating life as such is of utmost importance & significance to the growth & connection with & of spirit.
One final thing that I think should be noted, since it is one of the reasons this paper has its title, be it a meaningful thing or not. As I stated toward the end of the 2nd experience log (“Eon Blue…” & “The Patient”), upon the initial conception of this “Lateralus” album as a set of blastronaut sessions, I was expecting to do each session one night after the other consecutively from start to finish; this is the reason the first & second sessions took place on consecutive dates. It is also why this is the only time it happened like that. The number of days between sessions varies from there on out. I didn’t set an interval amount for in between, but I did discover one unwritten rule to adhere to. Let each session & the opportunity for it happen naturally, organically; when it feels like the time, ya know. Don’t try to plan it, force it, set a date, etc.; from personal experience(s) during this experiment I can tell you that life & its things will come-a-calling if you make attempts at forcing opportunity. Circling back to what I wanted to point out: the total amount of time that passed from the first to the final session took a little over 9 months. Forty-one weeks exactly. So the amount of time it takes during gestation for a human being to be conceived to birth happens to be the same amount of time it took for me to go through this regiment & experience the symbolic & spiritual “birth” of a better & more beautiful being.
To close out, I will simply say what I said at the end of the “Parabol/Parabola” session log, with a little more on it:
Life is a gift, & the phases of life all have their own role within our individual lives. Just do your best to stay out of your own fucking way & don’t let the shit get to you. Life is a gift, always enjoy it. Any questions?
{Initial Concept & Development — July 2019
Began As Self-Study on July 30th, 2019
Concluded Self-Study on May 12th, 2020
Completion Of Report — June 6th, 2020}
- Bleezy DaInfinite a.k.a. The Blastronaut
